Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
