I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
