He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
