the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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