I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize