I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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