You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
