You surviving the open bar?
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at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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