I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How naked do you want me to be?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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