Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
false alarm. still invincible.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
