Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
