It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
