I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
