she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
