I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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