tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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