I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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