Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
