I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
