operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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