I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
