I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
so much tequila, so little girl.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
