Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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