Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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