I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
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Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
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Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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