The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
