dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
