Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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