I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
