I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
