You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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