were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Edward fifth and chaser hands
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
