a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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