so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
