just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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