Don't make out with my wife yet
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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