Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
