please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
