Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
