He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
