Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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