I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
