I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
