i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
