and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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