I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is it penis luge time yet?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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