It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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