what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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