shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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