If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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