I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
