My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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