Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
