well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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