oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
