They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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