Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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