He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
