Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
