I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
