Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i think i have two assholes
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
