just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You ruined the universe
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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