ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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