it's too hot outside to masturbate.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You're like the curious george of whores
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
