hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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