five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
