I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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