The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
