I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
