Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is Oprah even human
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
