there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
