I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
