So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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