Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
