Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
