my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You're like the curious george of whores
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
