Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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