Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
